Sharing
by Cats070911
Summary: Tommy, Barbara and Winston are travelling with Stuart when the snow sets in and they are stranded in a local pub. How do they cope and what implications does it have for Tommy's relationship with Barbara?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** Once again I have borrowed Tommy and Barbara from Elizabeth George and especially the BBC. Last week a friend of mine reminded me of a funny experience we had travelling for work. I then pondered how Tommy and Barbara would have coped.

Happy Easter everyone.

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Detective Inspector Tommy Lynley was annoyed. The pub only had two rooms available and his best attempts to leverage his title had not worked. "I'm sorry M' Lord," the publican had said with obvious disrespect, "but it wouldn't matter if you were the Queen herself, we only have two rooms and we will only ever have two rooms."

Lynley snorted his derision knowing that the man did not believe he was in fact a Lord, the 8th Earl of Asherton. There was no point in arguing, they had no choice as the weather had closed in. The snow was falling heavily and they had been lucky to find anywhere to stay. If Stuart Lafferty had not insisted that they drive back to London tonight so that he could attend a forensics conference, they would still be snug in the hotel in York. _Damn the Yorkshire moors – why anyone would want to live here I will never know! _

He went over to the others waiting near the bar and looked slightly embarrassed as he said, "Not good news I'm afraid, they only have two rooms so we will have to share. Sergeant Havers can have one room but the rest of us will have to bunk in the other."

Detective Constable Winston Nkata was looking horrified but Stuart Lafferty started to laugh. "And why does Sergeant Havers get her own room? I thought you always said she was the equal of any man."

Barbara Havers blushed, "I agree Sir. I don't mind sharing."

Lynley looked decidedly uneasy. He had thought of sharing but there was no way to do it that would not make someone uncomfortable. "She is more than equal but no, Havers can have one room and we will share," he declared staring straight at Lafferty. With that he picked up his bag and moved upstairs. The others groaned but followed.

Barbara's room was the first at the top of the stairs. Lynley paused and said, "Shall we meet up with you for dinner in ten minutes?" She nodded. "Okay, we will see you in the bar."

Lynley opened the door to the far room to find it was tiny. He had hoped for two beds and some space on the floor or a chair. Instead there was a single small double bed with one side wedged against the wall and on the other side barely enough room to walk between it and the other wall. Clearly it would not hold three men.

Nkata groaned and Lynley glared at him and said "Yes well let's see if Havers' room is any larger shall we?"

Lynley knocked on Barbara's door. She opened it quickly and he looked past her to survey the room. It was almost identical to the other one. "Barbara our room is the same, it looks as if we need to revise our plan and consider sharing."

"Oh," she said with a small smirk at his discomfort, "No problem Sir. So who is the lucky man? Or did you have to draw straws?"

"I'm glad you find this funny Havers!" Tommy snapped. He was not at all happy about this situation. "You have to share so it is only fair you select who it is." Lafferty grinned and looked quite laconic and even Winston relaxed. Lynley recognised their looks for what they were; they both thought Havers would pick them.

"Hmm I've never had my choice of men to sleep with before, who should I choose?" Barbara seemed to be enjoying the process way too much for Lynley's liking. He found himself studying the others. He knew Winston was dreading sharing with him and he was not sure he could cope with sharing with Stuart, or having Stuart sharing with Barbara for that matter. This was not a good idea. He felt suddenly very possessive of Barbara and did not want either man in her bed, regardless of the reason.

"Look I'll sleep in the car," he said suddenly.

Suddenly her face turned serious, "It's freezing out there Sir; I won't let you do that."

"Well I can sleep downstairs in the bar."

"And risk the publican losing his licence." She looked directly at Lynley. He felt she was looking past his eyes and into his soul. "If I choose Stuart then Winston will not sleep a wink and I'm not sure I would either; if I choose Winston then we will have to stay for days because either the Inspector or Stuart will be dead by the morning. So I have little choice, I'll share with you Sir. I know you will be the perfect gentleman, as always. Come on, let's eat I'm starving." Her voice was cheerful and Lynley knew she was trying to lighten the mood.

Lafferty opened his hands in a gesture of defeat and shrugged whilst Winston simply smirked. Behind the façades Lynley could see that they were relieved. Her logic had been correct. He looked at Barbara but she looked genuinely unfazed as if sharing a bed with her boss was the most natural thing in the world to do. "Right, thank you Havers, I think that settles the issue," he said wondering if her logic had been for all of them or more because she had been protecting him. He was both disturbed and pleased that he may be that transparent to her.

There was only one table in the bar large enough for four of them. It was a small booth tucked under the stairs near a small window. Winston squeezed Barbara next to the wall leaving Stuart and Lynley to sit on the chairs facing them. "Cosy isn't it," Nkata said. He opened the window to look out but the blast of cold air made him shut it quickly. "Brr, if this keeps up we might be here for days!" The other three groaned in reply.

Lafferty offered to get the drinks and returned from the bar with a stout for him and pints of lager for the others. "We have a choice for dinner," he said jokingly, "Shepherd's Pie or Stew and Potatoes."

"In other words stew with potatoes on top or stew with potatoes on the side," said Lynley clearly not enthused by the choices.

"Cheer up Sir; it's really not that bad." Lynley studied Barbara as she spoke. She seemed unperturbed and cheery. He wished he could feel that way. He was worried about later tonight. He liked the idea of having Barbara in his bed far too much and had not been able to stop thinking about it. Of course he would be a gentleman but he wondered when his feelings for her had changed, or if they had changed. He knew he had fantasised about there being more to their relationship for a long time but it had never seemed the right thing to do. He had never wanted to risk what they had together. His need for her companionship was far greater than his need for anything physical. Or at least it had been.

"Sir? Stew or pie?" Winston had obviously been talking to him for a while.

"Pie, I like my potatoes on top."

Lafferty stifled a laugh into his beer and Lynley shot him a savage look. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing really but if you could hear yourself M' Lord, having to eat peasant food."

"Oh I'm not that bad Lafferty!" He tried to laugh and pretend it was all a joke but he looked at Barbara and saw she was amused for the wrong reasons. He knew from her expression he was coming across as pompous. He drank a large part of his beer hoping it might relax him.

Dinner was uneventful and Lafferty admitted that Lynley's assessment of the meals had been accurate. They downed a few more pints while they talked over the case. The longer they chatted the less time they would have to share rooms and Tommy thought everyone was stalling the inevitable. At ten o'clock the publican started to shut the bar and offered a last round. They sat over their glasses, suddenly all deep in thought. Tommy tried to focus on the future, "Well if we are all ready for breakfast a seven then we can head off and be back in London early in the afternoon."

"And if it is still snowing?" Winston asked.

"Well we can reassess our plans in the morning Mr Optimist." Tommy dreaded the thought of being stranded any longer and hoped the weather would clear. The forecast that had been on the news earlier had said it should ease by the morning.

Barbara was first to make a move. "Well I might go up and get into bed ready for you Sir."

Lafferty whistled and jeered. "Go Barbara!" Lynley glared at him but it had no effect. "Ravaged by a lord no less."

Barbara turned red clearly mortified by what she had said and by Lafferty's response. "Oh shut up Stuart. What I meant Sir was that if I go up first then it is easier to manage getting changed and stuff."

Lynley felt embarrassed for her, "It's ok I understood." He turned on Stuart, "I am not in the habit of 'ravaging' women Lafferty, and especially not Havers!"

They all turned to look at Barbara. She tried to hide it but a pained expression flashed across her face that they all noticed. Tommy was horrified knowing that she had taken what he said as confirmation of her long held belief that she was unattractive and doomed forever to a life of loneliness. Her smile was thin but she quickly responded as she left the bar to go upstairs, "I am hardly the sort to be ravaged by anyone am I? So the Inspector and I will be perfectly safe. I'll see you all tomorrow."

Tommy wanted to rush up to her and apologise but knew that would only inflame things. Barbara had handled it well and now he needed to act normally and let it pass. Winston also went up and Tommy went to follow when he felt Lafferty grip his elbow and pull him back. Stuart hissed, "She would do anything for you. She'd die for you if she thought you would benefit so don't you dare hurt her like that again." Tommy was shocked at Stuart's ferocity and the implication. _Was he saying that Barbara had feelings for him? _The thought buoyed him but also made him feel worse about what had just happened. Even so Tommy was angry; Lafferty had started it in the first place with his catcalling.

"I seem to recall you were the one making a big deal of what she said with your 'Go Barbara'. So if you are looking for someone to blame for hurting her then I suggest you look in the mirror." Tommy tore his arm away from Stuart's grip and went upstairs and queued behind Winston for the bathroom.

When he tentatively entered the bedroom Barbara was sitting on the corner of the bed in a pair of oversized pyjamas. She looked adorable and Tommy hoped she did not notice he was having impure thoughts. "I wasn't sure if you wanted the wall side or the edge Sir so I waited."

"Oh thanks Barbara, probably the edge would be better. The bed is quite small and I might need to hang my feet out the side," he replied as he sat next to her. His was voice slow and quiet, "Look Barbara I wanted to apologise for what happened before. I saw the expression on your face and I didn't mean it to sound offensive. I think ravaging is such a tawdry word, the sort of things pirates do, not something respectable people do. I'd never demean you like that. That's all I meant."

Barbara smiled at him, not convincingly but with that half smile he had seen so often before. "Pirates I think you will find Sir rape, pillage and plunder. I haven't heard of any pirates that ravage."

Tommy laughed. "I would make a _very_ bad pirate it seems." Her smile widened into a broad grin. He put his arm around her shoulder and briefly hugged her to him. She had forgiven him as he knew she would, but he wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her that he would worship her and make love to her agonisingly slowly so that they could bother savour the pleasure. He had made up his mind that he was going to reveal his feelings for her soon but here was not the time or the place with Nkata and Lafferty next door.

She had climbed into bed and he stood to change. He took off his shirt and turned to get his sleeping shorts and tee from his bag. He noticed that she was trying hard to pretend she was not looking at him. He was secretly pleased. It was not the first time she had seen him without his shirt and the memories amused him. "Close your eyes Barbara, no peeking." He heard her giggle. Everything was fine, they had settled back into their usual ways. He climbed into bed and turned out the light. He felt surprisingly nervous being this close to her. He had expected her to roll over but she was lying on her back. The bed was even smaller than he had thought. _Oh Lord lead me not into temptation!_

"Night Sir, sleep well."

"Good night Barbara, and seeing we are sharing a bed do you think you could call me Tommy, just this once?"

"No Sir." Tommy could almost feel her smile. The dull light from the window highlighted her silhouette and he turned on his side to look at her. He doubted she would suspect the reason. He had been looking at her a lot lately and seeing nuances in her that he had never noticed before. Now in the darkness he could see another side again, one that he wanted to see more often.

"Arrr! Well I might be needing to reassess my thoughts about ravaging you then lassie!" Tommy growled in his best pirate imitation, which by general standards was very unconvincing. Barbara laughed loudly now and Tommy wondered briefly what Lafferty and Winston must be thinking if they could hear them. "Shh," he said, "the boys might hear you."

"Good, it will give them something to gossip about."

"You don't care what they think?"

"No, surely you don't do you? No one would seriously believe there was anything going on. We've been partners far too long for that."

"I'll always be your partner," he answered as reached over and kissed her gently on the lips. It was too quick for her to react and he made no attempt to repeat it. "Barbara, I just want you to know that you are far too important to me to ever treat you with anything but the greatest respect and love. Now go to sleep."

"I know Tommy. Sweet dreams."

A wave of comfort washed over Tommy as he heard her say his name. Her voice had been soft and enticing. He was tempted to abandon his gentlemanly promise but he knew if he kissed her again he _would_ ravage her.


	2. Chapter 2

The snow had stopped by morning and the roads were clear enough by the afternoon to leave the pub and drive back to London. They had spent the morning productively, organising and writing up some of their notes from the case. It would save some time when they were back in the office. No one spoke much as they drove. Lafferty had given up on Lynley's radio picking up anything they could agree to listen to, so he had gone to sleep. Winston had his iPod and was tuned into his own world. The vague doof doof beat Lynley could hear leaking from the earphones annoyed him slightly but he was pleased not to have to talk much. He was trying to decide what to do about Barbara. She was happily chatting and Tommy had to force himself to focus. He had been awake most of the night, watching her sleep and thinking about what to do next.

"You snore you know," he said quite randomly considering she had been talking about the poor state of some of the roads they had been driving on.

"Oh, I slept well so I don't know if you snore. Sorry if I kept you awake Sir."

"No, no I often have trouble sleeping. I enjoyed having you there next to me. It was very comforting." _Huh? What did you just say you idiot?_

"Right." She seemed hesitant and unsure what to say next.

Tommy filled the silence before it became awkward. "I agree with you about the roads. I thought London roads were bad at times but it is nothing on these goat tracks."

They continued in silence until they were almost into the city. "Barbara, would you like to grab a meal tonight?" He jerked his head towards the back seat. "Just the two of us."

"Oh," Barbara said obviously weighing up the idea in her mind, "it's just that it has been a long week and we are all tired and I guess I thought I would just go home and…"

Tommy interrupted, "And not eat properly. I know you. If you like I can get some takeaway and come over. Or we can eat at my place. But if you'd rather be alone I understand."

"Yeah you're right. I probably would skip dinner. What's another hour or so? Just so long as you drive me home afterwards. I can't be bothered with cabs or the Tube."

Tommy looked at her and smiled, worried that if they settled back into normality that he would never have the courage to tell her he loved her. She was looking at him as if she was trying to work out something. He found it vaguely unnerving but it was a look he had seen a lot over the years. He had no idea where he thought tonight would lead but after being so close to her last night the thought of her not being beside him tonight terrified him.

Tommy dropped Lafferty at home and then dropped Winston off at the Yard. Barbara's car was parked beside Winston's and so she hopped out too. "Where are you going Barbara?" Tommy was alarmed, afraid she had changed her mind.

"When Winston goes I am going to move it to a different spot. I don't want him noticing that my car hasn't moved." She grinned at him and he wondered if she was thinking what he was thinking. He put the thought aside doubting it to be true. She was just being prudent as usual.

She returned quickly and he started to drive away from the station. "Indian? Italian? Chinese? Mediterranean?" he asked her.

"Italian"

He drove to his house and noticed the confusion on Barbara's face. "The local restaurant delivers," he said calmly. Once they were inside Tommy produced a menu from his kitchen drawer. Barbara selected a pasta dish that would be easy to eat without having to twirl it on forks and spoons and Tommy rang through the order. "About thirty minutes," he said as he hung up the phone, "fancy a drink?" Barbara nodded and sat on his sofa as he poured the drinks.

They chatted idly until the meal arrived, mostly about Winston and Lafferty and what last night might have been like in their room. Conversation was easy and they laughed freely. Tommy realised that the only time he ever truly relaxed was when he was alone with Barbara. He had plated the pasta in bowls so they could sit in the lounge to eat. Sitting at a dining table was too formal for the mood of the evening. "This is much tastier than that food last night," he said as they ate.

"Anything would be better than that."

Tommy grinned at her. "I seem to recall you saying it was not that bad."

"I lied."

Tommy grinned at her. "I see; do you often lie to me Sergeant?"

"Always Sir," she replied winking at him. Tommy stopped grinning, his expression suddenly becoming serious. Barbara looked mildly concerned. "It was a joke Sir. I am not in the habit of lying to you."

Tommy realised what she must have thought. "Oh I know Barbara, it wasn't that." He had actually been struck by how completely he loved this woman sitting in front of him. A physical ache had run through him and he struggled to maintain his composure while they finished their meal.

"Thanks for dinner Sir, I enjoyed it but you must be tired so you should probably take me home."

Tommy was disappointed. He had hoped she would want to stay. "What makes you think I'm tired?"

"It might have something to do with the fact you were awake most of the night watching me."

"Oh," Tommy was shocked that she knew, "I didn't realise you saw me. I often have trouble sleeping."

"Yeah well having me there would have made it worse."

"No it made it better. I told you that in the car." Lynley tried to look directly at Barbara but she avoided his gaze.

"Hmm, I remember but I don't really understand what you meant by it."

"I think it might be time for a D&amp;M don't you?" He stood and walked to his sideboard and poured them both another drink. He turned off the overhead light leaving only the soft glow of a lamp to illuminate the room.

Barbara accepted the drink. "What's a D&amp;M Sir?"

Tommy looked at her somewhat astounded as he sat casually on the sofa. "A Deep and Meaningful."

Barbara was apprehensive. "A deep and meaningful what exactly?"

Tommy laughed softly. "A deep and meaningful conversation. Didn't you have D&amp;Ms with your friends when you were young? Sit around in a dark room drinking and talking about your deepest fears and hopes and dreams."

"That's the difference between you and me Sir. Unlike Eton and Oxford we didn't have time to sit around and talk much at West Acton Comprehensive or Acton Community College. We were too busy trying to survive life; there was no time to try and understand it."

"Who do you talk to Barbara? About the things that are important to you?"

Barbara was silent and looked down into her lap. "I don't, I s'pose."

"Don't you?" _You talk to me._

"I don't really have any friends."

"You have me." Barbara looked up and Tommy saw the faintest hint of a tear in her eye. He had not meant to upset her. "And I have you."

She smiled at him. "Yeah, you know me better than anyone else."

"That's my point Barbara," he said, "Who is the first person either of us turn to when we need help? Who is always there for the other even before we know we need them? Who else do we fight for? I've realised lately that it has always been about us, since that first case together when you defended me to Nies despite believing his allegations were true. Even when I was with Helen, my days were focussed on my time with you. I wake up thinking of you and I go to sleep thinking of you. We are the centre of each other's universe and everyone else spins around the periphery. I am only truly me when I am with you; with everyone else I have a mask or I fit into a neat box set – someone's son, someone's lover, someone's colleague."

Tommy had watched Barbara as he spoke. She was staring at him uncomprehending. He had caught her completely off guard and he could see she did not know what to do or say. At last she found her voice. "No, you're not Sir. We both have masks; we might tell each other more than we tell others, we might be more open but we still keep up barriers. We still need that distance," she retorted, her voice trailing off, "to be professional we still need that distance."

"Why? Why do we even need to pretend to be professional? It's a façade Barbara. We both know there is only one thing we have never actually said to each other," Tommy said earnestly, "I love you Barbara and I know in my heart you feel the same. See now it is out there we don't have to pretend anymore."

Barbara did not move. She sat rigid in the armchair and just stared at him. Tommy saw a look of almost pure hate flash in her eyes to be replaced by one of grief as the tears rolled down her face. He knelt in front of her and implored her, "Don't hate me for spoiling what we have, thank me for freeing us to make something better."

Tommy's face stung as Barbara slapped him hard and pushed him away. She stood and turned on him with a venomous resentment he had not heard from her in years, "You arrogant bastard. How dare you tell me what is best for me. Is it like the time you painted my parents' house? What makes you think that you can suddenly decide after all this time that you 'love me' and expect me to have been sitting around for ten years pining for this moment?"

Her words wounded Tommy. He had thought she would be pleased. He believed she did love him. "I painted your flat to help you, so you could move on with your life. I've always wanted to protect you. To give back to you what you give to me." His tone was confused, almost desperate. He stepped closer to her. They were face to face but not touching.

"Yeah sure, that's why you virtually ignored me after Helen died and fell into bed with the first pretty face that came along. Then when you get you out of trouble you call good old Barbara to rescue you. Oh yes, definitely love."

"That was different. I was lonely and I couldn't talk about how guilty I felt about Helen, even to you."

"Obviously, sleeping with your friend's daughter resolved your guilt."

_I deserved that._ "Well I couldn't sleep with you, not then. You wouldn't have let me and I wasn't ready to admit that I should have married you and not Helen."

Barbara's face reddened and Tommy recognised a coming torrent. Instead her voice was quiet as she said, "I tried my hardest to save Helen; you know that. I felt, still feel, bad that she died. I should have stepped in, it should have been me. I tell myself I was too far away but I been over and over it in my mind. I think I hesitated because I had been shot before. Or maybe I should have pushed Pavletic so that Nina aimed away from Helen. I've only ever wanted you to be happy and you and Helen were just starting to get things sorted between you. You were happy again. It should have been me that died."

Tommy's heart broke and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her and held her close. He had understood what Lafferty meant when he had said Barbara would die to make him happy but he had not had any inkling that she felt guilty for Helen's death. "No, no it shouldn't have been. It wasn't your fault Barbara. It was an accident. She should never have stepped in front of Nina and I should have been the one to push her out of the way. I was her husband; I was supposed to protect her and I was more worried that you were standing near Pavletic and she might shoot you." They were both crying now and he felt Barbara's arms come around him to comfort him. He was not sure how long they stood like that but slowly he started to focus on Barbara and not on the tragic events the night Helen died.

Eventually Barbara spoke, "I don't think I like 'D&amp;Ms' very much."

Tommy smiled down at her. "This one has been more torrid than I remember them I must admit. But I meant what I said, I am in love with you and when that changed from loving you as my friend to being in love I don't know and it doesn't matter. What matters is whether you feel the same and what we do about it." Before she had time to answer him he kissed her softly not knowing whether she would slap him again or kiss him back. At first she did not react but then Tommy sensed her arms tighten around him as she pulled him closer and started to tentatively return his kiss.

"Why Tommy," she whispered as he lent back to look at her, "are you trying to ravage me?"

Tommy's smile broadened into a beaming grin. "I thought we agreed I make a lousy pirate. We've waited far too long for this moment and I promised myself last night that I would make love to you agonisingly slowly so that we savour every second of it."

Barbara blushed and said quietly, "Do you think Winston will notice my car if we both call in sick tomorrow?"

"The way I feel at the moment we might be off all week!" He kissed her again, harder but with just as much love. Tonight was the start of their future together and he was ecstatic that she indeed loved him as much as he adored her.


End file.
